February 2, 2012, was one of my most FAVORITE days. On that day, I married my favorite person, my incredible husband Graham. But the story of Graham, or “G” as I’ll call him, started many years earlier in 2004, in a bar in Covent Garden, London called Belushis. I was backpacking and working in a bar, while he was backpacking too, but cleverly not working in bars just visiting every Sunday for FUNDAY!
Our friendship endured after we both returned to Australia. By 2007, G had moved to Melbourne, where I was living. He drove down from Sydney, and we stayed in touch. Before long, we were a couple. In December 2008, we welcomed our first daughter, the first grandchild on both sides—a precious gift to us all. We had another daughter in July 2010, and life felt magical. I was engaged to the love of my life, and we had two beautiful daughters.
We decided it was time to buy our first home and moved to a quiet town called Drouin in Gippsland, Victoria. Life seemed perfect as we planned our wedding, which turned out to be a magical day shared with our loved ones in our new home.
A couple of months after our wedding in February 2012, we discovered we were unexpectedly pregnant. Though unplanned, the news was warmly welcomed. Around the 15-week mark, things didn't feel the same as when I was carrying the girls. Baby kicks were painful, to the point I'd need to sit or lay down.
TRIGGER WARNING: The following discusses stillbirth and child loss.
At my 20-week scan, doctors detected abnormal cysts and recommended further scans at Monash Medical Center. Subsequent MRIs revealed that our baby was having seizures and that a non-cancerous tumor was growing on his hypothalamus, halting his brain development at 12-13 weeks. By 26 weeks, the tumor had taken over, and survival chances were slim.
On December 8, 2012, we welcomed our beautiful son Joshua into the world. Born sleeping, he never made a sound but was perfect in every way. The midwife was incredible, helping us create lasting memories in the brief time we had with him. Leaving the hospital with empty arms was the hardest part, compounded by the lack of ongoing support. What had began as the most incredible year of my life ended with the biggest heart ache possible. There are no words to describe a parent who looses a child... The pain is immeasurable. I was told many time not to talk about my still born son because it makes people feel uncomfortable. I'm not responsible for how other feel. I will continue to talk about my son because I don't want anyone to feel ashamed or alone while going through something like G and I experinced. Fastforward to 2024 and G and I are finally both speaking to a psycologist to help us both work through this trauma.